(no subject)

It was July, my life as a working adult had officially begun. God, life is tough; one month into my job I was already frustrated to the point of wanting to quit. Summer was just getting too disgustingly hot so I flew northwards.

Our long-awaited roller coaster plans went swimmingly! I finally was convinced forced to overcome all my height phobia; what a Hair-raiser, what an apt name for a ride. The nights were spent dancing in dark underground rooms, and staring into each other's eyes (looking into each other's souls). What a perfect weekend - everything perfect comes and goes in fleeting seconds.

...I just missed you too much.

Wait.. don't dissipate

Does change of agenda really change a person completely? A moment of mistake, forever disappointment.

So people forget goodness too fast, and hold on too tightly to grudges. An epoch of vengeance. This world scares me.

But sometimes in life we really have to forgive and forget.

Though youth fades & one starts to feel more vulnerable less invincible.. live passionately and be fearless anyway.

Question everything. Follow your heart.

(no subject)

For a while I have been thinking about the "must-have" things that I would acquire for my house when I one day have one. Things that came up included a Steinway, a sheep skin rug, a chesterfield sofa, espresso machine and a bathtub. And following the numerous visits to look at houses with my parents (with the plans of acquiring one), I begun to realise that my list of things probably required huge spaces to fit in, ie. the need for a big house. Such is the disparity between the impossibility of dreams and the harshness of reality. Yet the invincibility of youth allows for one to continue dreaming...

I just killed two flies in my room. Two german friends just signed in on Skype (it is 22:47h Europe time). The irrelevance of random thoughts and random happenings which often draw no relation with one another.

Oh, daydreams. J'ai faim, breakfast-time!

(no subject)

“She looked up at him and said very calmly:
“I am afraid, Gail.”
“Of what, dearest?”
“Of what I’m doing to you.”
“I don’t love you, Gail.”
“I can’t care even about that.”
She dropped her head an he looked own at the hair that was like a pale helmet of polished metal.
She raised her face to him obediently.
“I love you, Dominique. I love you so much that nothing can matter to me - not even you. Can you understand that? Only my love - not your answer. Not even your indifference. I’ve never taken much from the world. I haven’t wanted much. I’ve never really wanted anything. Not in the total, univided way, not with the kind of desire that becomes an ultimatum, ‘yes’ or ‘no’, and one can’t accept the ‘no’ without ceasing to exist. That’s what you are to me. But when one reaches that stage, it’s not the object that matters, it’s the desire. Not you, but I. The ability to esire like that. Nothing less is worth feeling or honoring. And I’ve never felt like that before. Dominique, I’ve never known how to say ‘mine’ about anything. Not in the sense I say it about you. Mine. Did you call it a sense of life as exhalation? You said that. You understand. I can’t be afraid. I love you, Dominique - I love you - you’re letting me say it now - I love you.”
She reached over and took the cablegram off her mirror. She crumple it, her fingers twisting slowly in a grinding motion against her palm. He stood listening to the crackle of paper. She leaned forward, opened her hand over the wastebasket, and let the paper drop. Her hand remained still for a moment, the fingers extended, slanting down, as they had opened.”

--- 'The Fountainhead' by Ayn Rand


The world is not very friendly today.

Cities are big and cold.
People could sleep on a bus stop bench
and just lie there,
be alone

All alone and no one would even care.

So I read a little to find a little comfort
Swim a little; dive deep

a big sea of solitude.